I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
a search helicopter?!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
