I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
