I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
