I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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