I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
