k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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