I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
