So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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