The maid of honor just puked.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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