I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
