Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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