I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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