Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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