when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
