Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Only a mothe r could love this liver
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
