Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
