Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
