Say something about gay babies.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
