According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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