areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
