My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
