people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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