I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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