Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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