Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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