I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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