Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
