You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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