where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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