Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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