no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
