He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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