Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize