I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
