Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
