Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
