Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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