Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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