Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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