Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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