Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
