I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
being pregnant is like rehab
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize