he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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