it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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