I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
