I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's Friday. Sex?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
