Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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