we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
