this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
