wrigley field is MILF paradise
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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