I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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