I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
