break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
