Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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