Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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