im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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