I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
