Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
