She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
