I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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