woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
