Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
