I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
