I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
