I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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