I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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