Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
