hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
