I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
