I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
