You're my little dorito
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
